Discovering Donna


Posted in Daddy,talents by Donna on September 12, 2008

So on our way to visit Lori, Corban, Eric and Pennydog in Austin or was it on the way home, Mom asked, if we could pick one talent what would it be? I really didn’t have to think about mine much. But as I thought about it longer, I had to really dig down and look at why I said it with no hesitation. First off I guess I should mention what I said.

My talent to pick was playing the guitar.

Now why? I can remember thinking this way too “boyish” when my dad said he wanted me to learn to do it. Once again, another instance of not listening to my father. WOW. Here we go again. Another instance of me being stubborn and pighead with a suggestion my father gave me.

But when I think about it, here is what I give as my reason for learning. It wasn’t because it was something that my father wanted me to do when I was younger. It was because of what he left me.

He left me a beautiful mint condition guitar that was his prized possession. I won’t say who old the guitar is but let’s just say that it is old enough to be my father. I can’t play it. And this makes me sad. I have a beautiful link to my father that is sitting in a case in a closet at Mom and Pappy’s house. Usually only taken out if Pappy takes it out and plays it.

Did my father want that of his beloved guitar? No he did not. I know he didn’t because he would take it out and play it as often as he felt like it. Granted he didn’t feel like doing it much before he died but he still did play it some.

And it has been a source of conflict. A huge one. You see my oldest half brother feels like it’s his because when he was 3 daddy told him he could have it when he grew up. But as we grow up things change. Daddy left it to me because he knew I was the only child who would take care of it. And it’s been a source of anger for me since Daddy passed away 5 years ago. Because of my brother feeling like he has a 1 track mind. I think I blogged about it on my live journal when I was keeping it up and got out a lot of frustrations with it. I wrote my brother a letter no holds barred and told him how I felt.

Yes I still have some anger and I do at times wish that it would go away. I wish that I could get over it. I even try to dig down and get over it. I struggle with that so much it’s not funny.

But now there is a new struggle that is slowly taking place of the anger. I can see that as I’m thinking and typing this entry. It’s a struggle with myself because I haven’t done something I know my father would have wanted me to. So maybe it’s time to look into lessons or figure out how to do it on my own.

I wish that Pappy would do it.

I wish my father was around to do it. I miss him in times like these.


2 Responses to 'Talents'

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  1. Café Chick said,

    It’s funny that you chose playing the guitar as your talent, as I immediately thought of my own musical talent, which I am extremely grateful. I guess I am lucky that I have a talent which is challenging yet brings me so much enjoyment and I can only wish for others to love something they do as much as I love music.

    Perhaps, instead of focusing on what you feel you have lost, you could develop a new talent, ie playing the guitar, and gain enjoyment and fulfillment from that instead? I know it’s not easy, but it could be a very empowering process for you.

  2. Donna said,

    I was in an emotional mood for some reason this day. I still have those days were I really miss my father. This was one of those days. I’m still trying to figure out what to do.

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