Discovering Donna

The Grudges of Our Youth

Posted in Life by Donna on February 19, 2009
Tags: ,

Ahhh such a deep subject huh?  I’ve been sort of stewing on this topic for a couple of days now.  You remember those days?  When we carried grudges because we were young and stupid and had nothing better to do?  Because we thought that was the world at the time and we could get pissed off and stay pissed off just because we wanted to.  When Sally told Betsy Jo that Tommy liked her best friend Karen and Sally really did it to be a bitch?  Sally would get pissed off at Betsy Jo and carry that grudge for the rest of the school year?  Ahhh the days of our youth.

I come from a small town if you didn’t already know that.  Very small.  In Alabama none the less.  Know what that means?  There is maybe 2 stop lights, a Hardees, a McDonalds, a Piggy Wiggly or two and a Walmart but not a super walmart.  The only thing to do on Friday and Saturday nights is ride around town and hang out in the parking lot of Hardees?  Yeah.  One of those towns.  And I kid you not, that’s what most of the kids did.  I was different.  I had a strict father who didn’t let me do those things.  So I stayed home most times on the weekend and had my nose in a book or two.  That was my life.  But living in a small town, when you sneeze, before you can finish, the whole town knows you sneezed.

And that’s how gossip starts.  I was never Miss Personality.  I admit it.  I was a bit closed off.  I had a close circle of friends that was limited.  It was hard for me to let anyone in.  Sometimes, today it still is.  So I wasn’t in the popular circle.  I used to hate that.  I used to feel bad because I wasn’t in the popular circle.  But that’s life.  We all can’t be there, as much as we would like for it to be true.  But it’s okay.  We all go through what we do for a reason.

But as life happens, so does this funny thing.  We grow up.  Well, let me rephrase that, we mature.  We learn what truely is petty and what isn’t.  We learn that oh well, that’s life and we learn the fabulous art of letting go.  At least some of us do.  We get to a point where we can’t even remember why we were mad at someone.  We chalk it up to youth and stupidity.  Those that we were mad at we reconnect with year later and can’t remember what started it.  So we apologize for what ever it was and move on.  Because somewhere down the line, that person was important to us.  Even if it was just as a lesson in life, good, bad, ugly or pretty.

But when does it become too much of a grudge?  Why are there somethings that we can’t let go of? Even 15, 20 years later?  This is something that I’m struggeling with.  I’ve reconnected with a lot of old school mates on Facebook.  Now some of them I didn’t get a long with.  But some I did.  Some we didn’t have the best relationship, more like a strained friendship.  But bygones are bygones.  Apologies later and that friendship is being reestablished.  But others have a problem letting go.  Why?  Why hold onto something so petty for so many years and use so much negitive energy?

I just have a problem with this.  When is it not too much to hold on to that grudge?  Why do you hold on to it for so long?


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